Motherhood is a Bitch

The past 72 hours have challenged me more than I could ever imagine as a mother. I've loved this beautiful transition in my life, and while I've carried my baby outside the womb for 10 months, even the 9 in were desirable. We have had mild panic attacks - baby's first fall while trying to sit up, baby's first fall while trying to stand, to severe colds and temperatures. I've always had a solid core to help me on these undesirable moments in motherhood, but this time was different.
Huzz went to a training session in NY with some coworkers. They took the train, so he left early one morning and was expected home late the next night. No biggie - we are used to weekends away for the army, and two days really is a cake walk with these two little people. I was having a great day at work, which is totally unexpected at this point. I got through the majority of the day and we hit recess. For those of you who aren't teachers, schedules are everything. For kinders, you need to cram as much learning and thinking time in the morning. You may have some stragglers who will quickly catch up once they've had breakfast, but by the end of the day, they will be dropping like flies. And you'll probably throw crumbs at them to help them keep going! Recess for us is right before snack, which is right before Unified Arts (the fun stuff), which is also right before dismissal. During Unified Arts, I take my plan time. I download my thoughts from the day to my team and we plan on the next steps for our kiddos. I finally made it to that point and was ready to download - my phone rang. First thought: my husband.
Nope.
Daycare. 😭
Ray has vomited twice and needs to be picked up. 😭😭😭😷😭
Even that went smoothly. I told my principal, she sent me a sub. I made sure my plans were labeled and clear for the next day, put in for a sub, and left. By the time I got there, she had vomited again. I walk in and she broke everyone's heart. There she was, in a boys onesie because she ran out of clothes, sitting miserably in the high chair watching her BFF paint. She looks up at me and completely breaks down. I don't know if it was relief that her comfort was finally there, her way of telling me she feels horrrible, or both. I scooped her up and she fell right into me. I was relieved she seemed to be happy with me. I thought the worst was over. I get her into her carseat, drive home, get her out of the car and into the house, and it happens. All over her clean clothes and my clean coat. So strip her down and snuggle her in. Instincts were saying "strip down and wrap that baby up!!" But she had no fever, and I didn't want to contain her if she needed to up chuck again - especially not in our wraps!
I'll save you all the gorey details and fast forward two hours, when I'm sobbing on the phone with my mom because the doctor told me there's nothing to do except keep offering her sips of pedialyte and check for constant wet diapers, and if anything seems off to bring her to the hospital. We had a solid nap and held off on needing another bath or new clean clothes, so we went and picked up big Brother, pedialyte, and microwaveable dinners. We were on survival mode at this point, there was no way I was going to risk staying out longer than necessary.
She slept all night and had a huge smile on her face in the morning. I gave her a small bottle before bringing Brother to school. She played and laughed with him before we left. He picked her up, and with her came her meal. Poor kid was so upset. He was wearing his favorite outfit (red football hoodie and black athletic pants. Probably a t-shirt with a cat that is a disk jockey on it). Welcome to my life, kiddo! The rest of the day, the baby had sips of pedialyte while playing. She would grab her sippy cup and drink, then laugh at me, or share with me, or crawl over and cuddle up with me. She snuggled and slept for about 6 hours that day. Daddy came home a couple hours earlier than we expected and we were thrilled to have everything back to normal. And it was normal for the entire day Friday. Huzz worked and Ray and I played/cleaned/wrapped, and Brother played video games. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Cue 4AM. I hear loud cries coming from Ray's room. The stupid monitor volume got turned down (thanks husband) and I didn't hear her as quickly as usual. I kick one dog out of my way, trip over the other one and stumble to her. I pick her up and snuggle her in and feel her cool, tear-soaked cheeks on my warm neck. I settle her by holding her close and hashing her, rocking her, and letting her know she was okay. I told her we were going to get a bottle - "you are still hungry from your tummy bug!" I grab the water out of the fridge, and I suddenly realize how hot I am, despite my attire being minimal. I take a deep breath, and suddenly, I feel my body struggle to stay up. I give the baby an empty bottle and place her on the floor. Luckily, she smiled at me in approval and I debated running my face under the cold water in the sink. I called my husband to pick up when I left off and ran to the bathroom - the cold tiles felt so good, just laying there a minute helped so much, I thought it was just a crazy hot flash. I sat with my husband and sleepy, satisfied baby and let him soak in her snuggles that he missed out on the past 3 days. Little did I know, 12 hours later and I have yet to touch me baby again.
I caught it. Her stomach bug. It took a lot longer than I expected, but just a short hour after I selflessly let me husband nurture our baby, it really hit me. I quarantined myself in my bedroom while my husband got her ready. I took a nap and so did she, so he Lysol sprayed the house  (that will work), so I decided to infect it again by moving to the couch. I missed Easter with my in laws, I missed taking a shower, I missed eating. But most of all, I miss my girl. I miss grabbing her and wrapping her up. I miss showing her the world around her and seeing what she does. Motherhood has made me so selfish. I'm glad she is healthy again, and I am even more glad I have an incredible partner and son that I can rely on when I'm down. Motherhood has given me a whole knew meaning to motherhood. It has helped me appreciate my own mother more, and has made me realize that children can be awful. They can be mean, they can be gross, they can be scary, smelly, messy, but mothers love you all the same. Motherhood is awful, but it's the best thing I could ever have in my life.

Artipoppe Casanova Housekeeper Review

In the past 10 months, I have decided that I need to try all the wraps.  I've satisfied this desire through impulsive purchases, mystery boxes, and tactical trades.  I've finally had the pleasure of gaining the trust of another mama to host her beautiful, high-end wrap for a week and thought - what better way to document this trip than with a proper review? As I have more travelers and visitors making their way towards our home, I am excited to be able to write more reviews to better help not only myself, but other babywearing parents to discover wraps they may just need in their stash, even if only for a week!

Wrap: Artipoppe Casanova Housekeeper
Size 6 (base), 343 gsm
Fiber Content: 47% Alpaca/53% Cotton
Wrapee: 17lbs, 25.5 inch, 10 1/2 month daughter

Stock Photo courtesy of: slingofest.com

My first impression was excitement over its thickness, but worry over the purple/pink wool side which was very fuzzy. I wasn't sure how it would feel on my girl with the most sensitive skin I know.

Double Hammock

I quickly threw my girl up into a double hammock, color side out as I was nervous of how alpaca would feel on baby skin. It was a bit sticky, as I'm so used to silky fibers, ones that glide with ease. But I managed to get the middle marker on point (very rare), and had a nice thick knot.  My shoulders are insanely picky and my hands quickly go numb or turn colors with ruck straps, but even after a 45 minute walk, I didn't want to put her down when she was ready to play! The thickness made the straps so manageable that I didn't feel the need to constantly adjust.  The wool helped keep us warm enough for 50 degree New England weather without jackets and cool enough to enjoy the sunny outdoors close together. I was so excited to get into it with this wrap and really find its sweet spot and get it ready to soften up.

Poppin's Hip Carry

I soon realized I never truly understood "thick" until this wrap. I thoroughly enjoy wraps close to 250gsm, and always thought "the thicker, the better!" But this baby helped me really understand the definition of thick. I consider myself an above average wrapper, but even simple carries that we use as our "go-to" with various sizes were really difficult to make aesthetically pleasing.  It didn't take long to get over the fear of how it would feel on Ray, and I'm glad I lost that feeling.  The white cotton side had a lot more glide that I am used to.    I found that while this wrap measures at 204" STIH (technically a size 7), it wraps more similarly to a short size 6, medium-weight wrap.  It's incredible how much length is taken away due to its thickness! I was not a fan of bunched passes going under my peanut's little legs or spread passes on my shoulders.  The bunched passes seemed to push her legs into uncomfortable places - carries that do not require reinforcing bunched passes such as Poppins Hip Carry, Robins Hip Carry, or a Rebozo carry would be ideal for smaller babes with this wrap.  The spread pass over my shoulder seemed to engulf my neck/arm.  It was as if the wrap was all of a sudden twice as wide, and it was hard to pleat it so it didn't feel uneven (says the woman who cant wear two socks of differing thicknesses).  I would say that the shoulder pass is a total OCD personal preference, so if you're very sensory driven as I am, you may only want to stick to carries with bunched shoulder passes or torso carries.

Double Hammock with Sweetheart chest pass

This wrap has the perfect class and sass contrast to it, and the wool properties help with temperature control, and if it were in a size 3, it would be my everyday ruck wrap.  This wrap would be ideal for bigger babes and toddlers, as my girl was a bit overwhelmed in it unless we used a single or double pass carry.  I would also suggest this wrap for more experienced wrappers, as the alpaca would require special care, and for a new wrapper, a meduim weight wrap is ideal in my opinion.  For anyone with a toddler who is curious about wool, this is the perfect wrap for you! Go scoop it up! Seriously, go!

Double Hammock with Robin's Finish with a ring

I hope you enjoyed this review and you are as curious about this wrap as I was! Every wrapper should have the pleasure of stepping out of their comfort zone to truly explore and try all the wraps!

I am Mama Bear, hear me Roar

I don't think being an adult really clicked until I was pregnant. I remember wanting to just grow uplease and move out of my parents house. I was dating my husband and helping him raise his 3 year old son. I would drive between New Hampshire and MA twice a week to go to college and be with them. I was splitting my life and it was such a burden. Graduating college was no big deal - I was so glad to finally be done with that chapter in my life and move forward, I don't even have a photograph to document the moment. I was about to get married and be able to live in OUR house together as a real family. I just wanted to move on to the next thing. I got a job in town as a teacher and quickly fell in love with the school, my co-workers, and the philosophy behind the district. I went in at sun rise and left after sunset; I couldn't have been happier.
And then I got pregnant.
I literally suck at keeping secrets. My mom used to lie to me because she knew I would tell my sister what she was getting for her birthday; so it's no wonder I told the world I was expecting before I even saw the little blob (I legit nicknamed her Blobby at 7 weeks preggo). From that point on, I was on baby mode - I was exhausted and my body ached at the end of the day. By March, I couldn't stand for too long, nor could I sit at preschool-level. I was done. I wanted to be home with a baby and not worrying about brushing other kids' teeth, feeding them, singing the ABCs, writing their names, counting the bears. I was ready to move to the next chapter in my life. But life wasn't ready for me. I had a sweet summer with my sweet baby; I couldn't have been more in love! I know everyone says "there's no love like a mother's love", but I swear my love for her was even beyond that. And then just as I was getting the hang of life, I had to go back to work. The place I go to at sun rise and don't leave until after sunset; the place I go to watch and help OTHER children grow. The me who was ready to move on from college and start a life was now ready to move on again. I have a new purpose in life, and I'm beyond blessed to know I have a husband who recognizes and supports me through these crazy adventures.
Ray and I went to our local BWI meeting today. My typical unimpressed baby who goes into "observant mode" when held and presented to a person other than her immediate family, entered that room with a smile and waves. She was talking gibberish and yelling the entire demonstration. She was throwing her toys and reaching for the other kids crawling at our feet. She even caressed and hugged all the wraps I showed her from the lending library. This just solidified my next path. Anywhere I feel comfortable is where I want to be; anywhere my daughter feels immediately comfortable is where I NEED to be. I need to be with my girl. I need to be sharing the love of babywearing with other moms. I need to be educating parents on the beauty of the bond you make with your children just from wearing them. And I know Ray will be with me every step of the way, so I can be with her through every step she takes.
I don't know how long this journey will last for either of us. And to me, that is what life is all about. So many different journies, paths, decisions, changes. You can't stop them. You can only embrace them and move forward, which is exactly what I am doing.

Normalize Okay Wrap Jobs

Over the past 10 months, I have fallen head over heals with the most perfect little human being I ever did know! And in that 10 months, I found a hobby I didn't even know existed before baby Ray. For the past 10 months, I have started many different journeys, and I think it's obvious which are my favorites. I love being a mother, and I love being able to wrap my dear littlest and keeping her close enough to kiss.

I am such a perfectionist. So of course I enjoy wrapping! Everything about it needs to be almost flawless or it will be uncomfortable, ugly, unsafe, or worse - all three. Yet while I have wrapped my baby at least once a day for about 9 months, my carries are never perfect. My top rail is just loose enough for Ray to push off me; my bottom rail is too tight and she pops her seat; one arm is out while the other is down by her knee; she slags down so far that my arms turn purple. But I will tell you, I inspect every wrap job I do. Once I tie off, I find a way to reflect. 

Whether that be with a mirror, a car, a selfie, or this blog, I need to look at what I did so I can adjust towards perfection. But that doesn't mean just because my girls arm is down at her ankle with the other arm at my neck that she is unsafe. Just because there's more slack than ideal across her back doesn't mean we will be uncomfortable.  And just because she is straining and loosening up the top rail to be her nosey little self doesn't mean ages going to flip backwards. 

Not every time you wrap will it look perfect. And I promise you will never wrap the same carry the same way twice. You can always find a way to improve, but you can also always find a reason to love it. Whether it's a fancy finish, a more comfortable carry, or a long awaited wrap nap, you'll find your reason to smile and fall deeply in love with your babe and babywearing.