When it clicked

I always knew I would be a wrapper, although my 13 year old self was hoping for more of a gangster rapper, not baby wrapper.

I am not sure where I found the idea of babywearing, all I know is while I was pregnant, I was beyond excited to find a Moby wrap for $20 in a resale store. From there, I found other carriers (soft structured carriers [ssc], mei tai) and tried to find something I loved. It wasn't until I discovered babywearing swaps on Facebook. I was hooked. For about 2 months, I window shopped. I knew I needed a woven wrap, but what one, what size, why sizes, and why do they all have 5 names? I opted instead for a table cloth off amazon; it is white with brightly colored flowers, and made by Squish Wear - it was meant to be and is still a favorite while she's small enough.
Fast forward 6 months and here we are with more wovens than we ever use, and what I like to consider advanced wrapping skills. I am starting my 3rd Carry-a-Day Challenge and hoping to finish my first. And of course the dreaded double hammock with the stupid chest pass is up.. so I take a deep breath and superman that baby up, and somehow, it just clicked. I realised what a good seat should feel like and why; I figured out how to tighten through the pass wrapped around your chest; I was able to finish and tie off with a crooked knot and crooked middle marker, but I was so impressed with the level up it was beautiful. Since then, this confidence has helped me continue to day 5 of this challenge! (I gave up at day 2 of the last one...)
The moral of the story: one day, it just clicks. You will have days of pure frustration including throwing your wrap and sitting on the floor holding you crying baby while you try to pull your shitime together. And you will have days of pure joy where everything, just clicked.

Hold Them Close

I typically refer to myself as a "first time baby mom". I became a mom to a 3 year old boy 6 years ago. I started off motherhood with a toddler that I did not birth, but loved none the less. I finall get to experience motherhood how I always anticipated I would, except now I'm a mother of two. I have no idea how the last 8 months have not made me go insane, but what I do know is it has made me a stronger, happier, and more faithful human being.
With that being said, I really thought I had my parenting ideas down pat and knew exactly how I would raise my daughter. She would be exclusively breast-fed (that lasted 4 months before she was exclusively formula-fed), she would be cloth diapered (and then I realized: I hate laundry and laundry with poop sounds terrible!), she would skip purees and we would do BLW (I am too nervous/anxious to trust my baby not to choke, and started spoon feeding mush 2 weeks later and have yet to turn back). The one thing that has stuck is babywearing.
At 2 weeks old, I had set a goal to wear my baby everyday, at least once a day, and was really adamant about it once she started daycare and I went back to work. I would snuggle her up and she would fall fast asleep, wake up to eat, read a book, and back to sleep she went. And then she started to sit up. She wanted to be more independent. She wanted to play on the floor. She wanted to try to crawl. I would wrap her up on my back and walk her around, teaching her about the world all around. Until one day, it just kind of stopped. I got frustrated how long it would take to wrap her, and she would get frustrated that she couldn't do whatever she wanted. I would hip scoot, superman, santa toss her up, she would stiffen, scream, cough, wriggle until I would lay her down on the bed or couch and throw the wrap in anger, of course follwed with a big bear hug for my girl because no one should feel blame for someone elses frustration. We went a whole week without going up. A week of snuggles on the couch, a week of playing on the floor until we both couldn't keep our eyes open, a week of feeling less than beautiful.
I picked my sweet Ray up from daycare after that and had one fussy, clingy babe. I reached for one of our favorites and supermanned her up, and she didnt fuss. She laid quite still and let me do my thing. We were up for about 2 hours that evening, and it was just as magical as it had been before. She swung her little feet in delight when the dogs ran past, she peeked over my shoulder to see what I was doing, and she snuggled in once she was tired. We were back. Its been a few months since then, and things aren't perfect, but I believe we had both learned something from that wrapless week - sometimes, we just need each other. Whether the other is feeling up to it or not, we rely on each other to get us through the day. I don't know how parents survive without babywearing. I remember being told not to pick up my 3 year old step son because he was "too big". I cannot wait for the day someone tells me I shouldn't wear my 3 year old who just wants to be held, snuggled, loved. Babywearing has brought out a community of mothers I feel less judged around, a place I feel safe, and a way of life that makes me feel confident in the way I raise my baby. I thank the heavens above for whatever it was that turned me onto babywearing, because it has helped turn motherhood into a thing of pure joy and beauty in my mind, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My Thoughtful Friday

I'm the type of person who will squeeze out the last reasonable amount of toothpaste left in the tube, then run the tube along the edge of the sink just to get a TINY bit more for when hus wakes up, go to put it back with a smirk on my face that I did a good deed only to realize - he already got a brand new one and put it in the cabinet.....


So I left the empty one in there, too.

You know how sometimes....

...you were really motivated and inspired to write your first blog post, and then your husband takes out the candy and turns on Brooklyn 99 right after both kids get to sleep.....

Well, now you know about me.