I don't think being an adult really clicked until I was pregnant. I remember wanting to just grow uplease and move out of my parents house. I was dating my husband and helping him raise his 3 year old son. I would drive between New Hampshire and MA twice a week to go to college and be with them. I was splitting my life and it was such a burden. Graduating college was no big deal - I was so glad to finally be done with that chapter in my life and move forward, I don't even have a photograph to document the moment. I was about to get married and be able to live in OUR house together as a real family. I just wanted to move on to the next thing. I got a job in town as a teacher and quickly fell in love with the school, my co-workers, and the philosophy behind the district. I went in at sun rise and left after sunset; I couldn't have been happier.
And then I got pregnant.
I literally suck at keeping secrets. My mom used to lie to me because she knew I would tell my sister what she was getting for her birthday; so it's no wonder I told the world I was expecting before I even saw the little blob (I legit nicknamed her Blobby at 7 weeks preggo). From that point on, I was on baby mode - I was exhausted and my body ached at the end of the day. By March, I couldn't stand for too long, nor could I sit at preschool-level. I was done. I wanted to be home with a baby and not worrying about brushing other kids' teeth, feeding them, singing the ABCs, writing their names, counting the bears. I was ready to move to the next chapter in my life. But life wasn't ready for me. I had a sweet summer with my sweet baby; I couldn't have been more in love! I know everyone says "there's no love like a mother's love", but I swear my love for her was even beyond that. And then just as I was getting the hang of life, I had to go back to work. The place I go to at sun rise and don't leave until after sunset; the place I go to watch and help OTHER children grow. The me who was ready to move on from college and start a life was now ready to move on again. I have a new purpose in life, and I'm beyond blessed to know I have a husband who recognizes and supports me through these crazy adventures.
Ray and I went to our local BWI meeting today. My typical unimpressed baby who goes into "observant mode" when held and presented to a person other than her immediate family, entered that room with a smile and waves. She was talking gibberish and yelling the entire demonstration. She was throwing her toys and reaching for the other kids crawling at our feet. She even caressed and hugged all the wraps I showed her from the lending library. This just solidified my next path. Anywhere I feel comfortable is where I want to be; anywhere my daughter feels immediately comfortable is where I NEED to be. I need to be with my girl. I need to be sharing the love of babywearing with other moms. I need to be educating parents on the beauty of the bond you make with your children just from wearing them. And I know Ray will be with me every step of the way, so I can be with her through every step she takes.
I don't know how long this journey will last for either of us. And to me, that is what life is all about. So many different journies, paths, decisions, changes. You can't stop them. You can only embrace them and move forward, which is exactly what I am doing.
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